Saturday, February 5, 2011

Audition Recap/Debrief from UT Austin

Audition Recap/Debrief from UT Austin

So how’d it go? Well… I botched my audition. I went in, incredibly nervous and stopped too many times in too many solos. I was cut off from a few of my pieces, and definitely didn’t play most of what I had prepared. Many of my friends will tell me that I’m probably being too hard on myself. I know that I usually am, but trust me when I say I flopped. It’s incredibly disheartening to put a lot of work and hope into an audition and then helplessly watch it crumble in front of my eyes. The feeling is compounded of course by being in a new city by myself. As much for myself as for anyone else, I felt I needed to debrief what went on today.


This morning, as I walked to the School of Music I tried to settle my nervous energy by focusing on my breathing; the frigid air put it right in front of my face, making it a fairly easy task. As I watched its vapor drift by my face, I passed a raggedly dressed man who I assumed was homeless. Passing beneath a highway overpass, we made eye contact - the kind that determines if you say hello or not.



“Good morning.” he exclaimed with a curt nod.


“Morning.” I replied, too surprised to sound very polite.


I looked over my shoulder as we continued in our opposite directions and saw him stop at the intersection I had just crossed. He pulled a piece of cardboard out of his jacket and stationed himself on the corner, taking up post for the morning. I let my imagine wander… I wondered if he had chased a dream sometime, if he had tried for something much bigger than himself and if he gave up when he failed.


No, I’m not worried about becoming a professional sign older, and I realize that creating a hypothetical scenario about someone I don’t even know might be unethical or something. But, I can understand why someone would quit after enduring the sting of failure. Needless to say, today I was reminded that failure is part of music. And putting yourself out there in spite of that fact, is part of life.