Thursday, March 8, 2012
Lately, I have observed two ways in which meaningful events occur; 1) people make them happen or, 2) they happen to people. An indecisive mind will favor option 2, because although the indecisive mind generally seeks the same conclusiveness as a decisive mind, the indecisive mind is too apathetic to make that choice his/herself. In my experience, this apathy can be a guard against the fear of failure (or success). Sometimes, the indecisive mind resonates with phrases like: "if it's meant to be, it will work itself out."
A decisive mind will favor option 1 because the decisive mind knows the best way to make things happen is to take action and do. The decisive mind is not afraid of failure and knows that the best way to know is to find out by either succeeding or failing. The decisive mind does not count on things working themselves out.
It's the difference between making things happen in your life and letting life happen to you. If an objective is a neat stack of playing cards, the indecisive mind throws the cards up in the air and hopes that they fall back into a neat stack. And if they don't, then it wasn't meant to be a neat stack. The decisive mind collects all the cards and organizes them into a pile - no matter the cost - because that's what he wants for his life.
"Everything happens for a reason" usually because people make those things happen. And that's the reason for them happening. Because we make decisions and life unfolds. Not because we're figurines in a big snow globe that bounce around every time someone turns our world upside down.
Sometimes, things do happen to us that we don't anticipate, that weren't part of our plan. Obviously we can't control everything that happens in our life. And sometimes, "everything happens for a reason" can be a very comforting thought.
Right now, in my current situation, "everything happens for a reason" and "if it's meant to be, it will work itself out" are mindsets with which I cannot agree. Things happen - or don't happen - because people make decisions. By not choosing, you still have made a choice (to paraphrase a Rush song...).
I suppose there is a chance that all of the cards could work themselves into a neat pile; but I'm not betting on it, and I'm not waiting to find out for sure. I'm playing 52 card pick up.
What are your thoughts on these two catch phrases? Leave a comment a below.
No, seriously. If you read this, you should leave a comment below.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
So how’d it go? Well… I botched my audition. I went in, incredibly nervous and stopped too many times in too many solos. I was cut off from a few of my pieces, and definitely didn’t play most of what I had prepared. Many of my friends will tell me that I’m probably being too hard on myself. I know that I usually am, but trust me when I say I flopped. It’s incredibly disheartening to put a lot of work and hope into an audition and then helplessly watch it crumble in front of my eyes. The feeling is compounded of course by being in a new city by myself. As much for myself as for anyone else, I felt I needed to debrief what went on today.
This morning, as I walked to the School of Music I tried to settle my nervous energy by focusing on my breathing; the frigid air put it right in front of my face, making it a fairly easy task. As I watched its vapor drift by my face, I passed a raggedly dressed man who I assumed was homeless. Passing beneath a highway overpass, we made eye contact - the kind that determines if you say hello or not.
“Good morning.” he exclaimed with a curt nod.
“Morning.” I replied, too surprised to sound very polite.
I looked over my shoulder as we continued in our opposite directions and saw him stop at the intersection I had just crossed. He pulled a piece of cardboard out of his jacket and stationed himself on the corner, taking up post for the morning. I let my imagine wander… I wondered if he had chased a dream sometime, if he had tried for something much bigger than himself and if he gave up when he failed.
No, I’m not worried about becoming a professional sign older, and I realize that creating a hypothetical scenario about someone I don’t even know might be unethical or something. But, I can understand why someone would quit after enduring the sting of failure. Needless to say, today I was reminded that failure is part of music. And putting yourself out there in spite of that fact, is part of life.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
When we encounter things we are fearful of, don't we, in some way or another, seek the feared (or at least create patterns, even illusions of the feared), just so we're not surprised the next time we see it? Why does seeing the spider make me continue to look for it for half an hour, even after it's gone?